Going Solo?

 In times of pain and struggle, we all seek the road to restoration. In hindsight, if my pain leads me to greater joy, and a greater capacity to love and be present at the moment to others, I may become a better man. It is a slippery road as my Creator, the Divine Source of Love, totally respects my free will, to suffer the consequences or victories of my actions. 

However, I have a choice to ask for His guidance or go about it solo. Considering my risky behavior, thin-skinned temperament and lack of patience, I don’t take solo runs down the slope of life so much anymore. 

Still, at fifty-eight years old, I still find myself taking risks.  Last year I was on a “Boy’s Weekend” out West skiing in Bozeman, Montana. I consider myself a cautious intermediate skier and yet I ventured out to the highest peak of the Mountaintop.  There stood before me a small ski lift with the huge caution sign, “This lift is for experts only, do not attempt going on this lift unless you are an expert skier... I’m talking double-diamond here, and yet something in my psyche was drawing me to “go for it”.  I was considering the consequences that only affected me of course... it’s only natural.  So up I go. Bad idea.

It was pretty darn steep at the top. Only two choices go right to tackle the difficult terrain or go left and chance what seemed to be a narrow escape route. My buddies took the tough terrain. I went left.

I ended up on a very narrow path, with steep rocks to my right and frightening cavern to my left.  I crept down, stepping my way slowly down the path. Needless to say, I was praying intensely every moment on the way down. I could see the bowl-shaped valley below, and after a couple of minor falls, I made it to safety.  Thank God for cell phone coverage, I called my friend Bob who was relieved to hear my voice. “Steve, we thought you were a goner, thank God you are okay.”  

Looking back at some of the risky decisions in my life, I thought first of the consequences to self, leaving the effects on others far from my concern.  Bob’s concern for my welfare, sparked a regret and guilt for my self-centeredness in just “going for it.” Sometimes our risk-taking is a bad idea, other times it pays off as we venture into the deep, become vulnerable, and relatable.  By big risks, we chance to be fully present to each other at the moment. 

Jesus calls us to trust him completely, he calls us into the deep water that will bring us to a full life. In our creed, we state our belief in a Holy Church, a Church with the flaws of humanity simultaneously led from above by the Divine. I remind myself daily, of Jesus’ Passion, death and resurrection. He continues to save me from my sins and offers us salvation. 

I know I don’t always choose the right trail, and in those choices, I pray for the right escape route to bring me back to Your heavenly lodge.

Lord Jesus direct my ways toward Your Way, help me choose the right path. Guide my words to proclaim Your Truth and lead all to your glory, Amen.